a note to the fella I don't know but care about

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love... God is love" (apostle John)

Hey...  It's been a year since I posted my letter to you. I want to send another note hoping you'll come across it although it seems impossible . I pray for you and I hope you remember.  

January 27, 2016.  Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary of life. You?..

Posting my first letter to you helped me to move on. I felt excited about this tangible opportunity to actually reach you. Forgiveness spoken out made me feel stronger and braver.  Even in the face of fears that I kept battling, it gave me confidence that I would overcome them. 

I saw a dream about you again.  It was an emotional dream, it was good...

My husband continued to be my main cheerleader. He helped me to do brave things,  like kayaking in the open ocean, going back on a climbing wall, camping in the areas more wild than would have been my safer choice,  and learning to drive...

I continued working with a trainer towards my  my mobility goals.  In April I joined the celebration of  35 years since Terry Fox started his marathon of hope.   I didn't expect to run the commemorated 4.2 km, or to go that long.  I had just learned to do the jogging motions. Vision of Terry who pushed through several months of running a marathon a day on an artificial leg inspired me to do my best. I was impacted by the words from his journal “It snowed all day long, fortunately it didn’t stay on the road. It was very, very cold today. Fortunately, the wind was at my back. The terrain was rolly but not big hills. The first miles were like usual tough, but I felt quite good from there till the end of 10 miles.” From my first Terry Fox event with a walker in 2013, 8 months after you ran me over, I said to myself "If Terry can do it, I can do it". So in April, I jogged in the slushy streets of the city... from this pole to that tree... to that car...to the corner of the building.  I felt that if I stopped I wouldn't have the energy to even walk.  I didn't expect to go for more than a few minutes so I didn't set the pedometer to count the distance.   But I thought of Terry and I kept going... Beautiful strong runners were passing me, probably wondering why this hopping person pretends to be running. But they smiled and I kept going, my husband cheering me all the way.   After half an hour I had to stop. I walked.  Then I jogged again, a bit up the hill.  I couldn't believe I was doing it.  It seemed impossible but it was happening. At the end, I ended up jogging for almost 4 km. "I want to try the impossible to show that it can be done" (Terry Fox)

I wasn’t able to repeat that distance until the next Terry Fox Run in September. 

Driving has been a challenge. I never got my license so I’ve been working on my driving skills for a year now. I had such anxiety when I first started, battling visions of me hitting someone or someone hitting me. Then one night a drunk driver ran into our parked car. Three cars got wracked. Miraculously, nobody else was around, so the driver got away with minor injuries and lost his license for a while. I found myself praising God for His protection and peace that filled my heart as I was collecting our belongings from the totalled car. Shortly after, I was touched deeply but a song that proclaimed that “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God”.

And so my journey of overcoming continues. A month ago, on the New Year’s Eve, I put on my ski boots for the first time in 3 years. The boots and my hat were the only things that remained from that day. My husband and his brothers were with me, and together, we went cross country skiing for 10 km, celebrating life.  I was ready. I felt happy. I was surprised. 

Then last week we were cross country skiing in the woods near our home, and the snow was deep enough to share the wild trails with snowmobiles. I didn’t see or hear them, but  as I went on the snowmobile tracks, I was overcome with emotion. I felt sick to my stomach and I grieved the innocence I’d lost that night when nothing was supposed to disturb the quietness of our honeymoon… 

But I am alive. I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God. 

And so are you. 

One day, I will be back on the lake to complete it. Will you come?